Phone Tag
by Oneturtledove
Summary: Mulder and Scully play phone tag while Scully is on vacation.


Disclaimer: This is not a legally binding document.

Spoilers: Up through... season 6? Maybe?

A/N: I just think this is cute. :)

Phone Tag

"Hey Mulder, it's me. Just wanted to let you know that my flight got in okay. Charlie's running late to pick me up, but that's to be expected from him. The man has serious issues with getting out the door. That could be due to the four children that grab on to his legs and whine and cry when he leaves, but that's just my opinion. Anyway. I'm sorry about our fight this morning. I know we made up already, but I still feel bad and I don't want you to be upset with me. We can talk about it later though. Have a good day and don't get into any trouble, okay? Bye."

"Hey Scully, just calling you back. I'm sure that you're preoccupied with the four children you mentioned earlier. You never said how your flight was. I was looking forward to a great story about the obese woman that sat next to you. Oh well, maybe next time. I hope you're having fun, but not so much that you never want to come home. The paperwork misses you. It even told me that I'm not allowed to touch it. I hate when inanimate objects dictate my schedule. And I'm not upset with you about the fight; it's over. Besides, you made the face- how am I supposed to stay mad at the face? I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Hi Mulder. I just looked at the clock and realized that I called during your meeting with Skinner. I sure hope that's a positive experience. Is that one vein on his forehead popping out? I always hate when I miss that. Oh yeah, my flight was good. Except for that part where it was an obese man sitting next to me. He may or may not have been breaking wind the whole time. Re-circulated air and I are not very close friends right now. Needless to say, I was glad to get outside. I also forgot to tell you that they damaged my suitcase. Yeah, the one you got me. I was not very happy about that, but Charlie said he could fix it. Anyway, the kids are begging me to come and play outside, so I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Scully, I think I will sue the airlines for damaging such a fine piece of travel equipment. How dare they? The meeting with Skinner was fine. Maybe a little less than fine, but nothing to worry about. We can talk about it when you get back. No need for you to think about work now. Langley wants to know if you can pick him up a California shot glass while you're out there. He collects them. I told him I would ask you. Also, if you get him a gift, you might as well get me one too. I don't think there's much else I need to tell you… except one of my fish died. I'm not sure which one, because I didn't find it floating, it just disappeared. I think the other fish ate it, but as of now I'm not sure who to eulogize. Maybe you can help me figure it out when you get back. Okay, I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll get a chance to truly talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well. Goodnight."

"I missed your call by like three minutes. And now you're not picking up so you must be really tired. Yeah I guess I could get a shot glass for Langley. And maybe I'll get you something too. We'll see. That's too bad about the fish. Maybe it was one of those little tetras and it got sucked up into the filter. I would check there first. Also, check on the floor. I seem to recall one of your fish flopping out of the tank at some point or another. I just hope it didn't land on the couch and get stuck between the cushions. That would be interesting. I got stung by a bee when I was outside earlier. It made me think of you. And then I realized that that was kind of morbid. Anyway, I'm going to bed too. I'll try to catch you in the morning. Bye."

"Hey, good morning, Scully. I think I'm beginning to have a deeper relationship with your voice mail than with you. That kind of freaks me out. I checked the filter on my tank, and no fish. Maybe it's invisible. I also checked the floor. Besides the dust bunnies and toenail clippings, there was nothing. It was frustrating and gross. That whole getting stung by a bee thing just made me laugh. I too realized the morbidity of the situation and that shut me up pretty good. I'm on my way to work right now and some bozo in front of me is going 30 in a 55. And I can't even pass him because the other lane is closed. This bites. Anyway, have a great day and think about coming home early. I kind of miss you a little. Bye."

"Mulder, I am so sick of talking to your voicemail, it's not even funny. Maybe you could pencil me in to your schedule. Or maybe I should quit leaving my phone in the other room. That might help too. Dust bunnies and toenail clippings? Thanks for that visual. You shouldn't talk on the phone when you drive by the way. A very wise man told me that once. I miss you too. You know how I know? Because this morning, Charlie was complaining that his pancakes weren't round they were oblong, and the word oblong made me laugh hysterically and Charlie and Michelle looked at me like I was on speed and I felt like an idiot, but I knew you would understand. And that was the worst sentence I have ever structured, but I don't care. I'll talk to you or your voicemail later. Bye."

"This is really getting silly. My phone died right in the middle of calling you back earlier. I'm frustrated. I'm going over to see the gunmen this afternoon. I'm thinking I should take a gas mask with me due to the weird experiment they were doing over there last week. That was rank. I'll try to remember to water your plants tonight also. And I discovered something today that I thought you would enjoy. The plural for cul-de sac is culs-de sac. Not cul-de-sacs. I know. I thought that same thing you're thinking right now. Your mom called me a minute ago. She wants me to come over for dinner. Again, I'm thinking the same thing you are. If you can think of any reason why she would do such a thing, call me back and let me know. I'm going to let you go now. I'll talk to you later. Love you miss you bye."

"Mulder, pick up your phone. Pick it up. Now. Please? Could you pick up your phone? Pretty please with sunflower seeds on top? I would really love to speak with you. Pick up your phone. Oh brother. I knew about the culs-de-sac thing, but it freaked me out when I found out about it. I guess it's French? Those French. Their fries and kissing are good, but that's about it. And… going over to moms? A little strange, but I'm sure she just wants company and feels it's her duty to get good food into your stomach. Don't listen to anything she tells you about me if it's bad or embarrassing. It's all lies. I promise. We're going to the zoo tomorrow. Expect me to come back with a sunburn, okay? Anyway, I'll be home in four and a half days and then we can watch Monty Python together. Love you too miss you too bye."

"Okay, so dinner with your mom was nice. She made roast beef and potatoes and told me all about little Dana stealing library books for the good of the books. I must say, that is a story that is embarrassing, but I totally believe it. She also invited me over for the Scully family Fourth of July barbeque. I told her I would think about it. I hope you had fun at the zoo today. Did you see the monkeys? They're my favorite. I also like the naked mole rats, but most zoos don't have them. I'm going to go to bed now. Or to couch rather. I have a long day tomorrow. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"You should come over for the barbeque. There is generally lots of food involved. Plus, Charlie will be there and he wants to meet you. And Bill will be there too, but I can keep him in check. And about those library books when I was a kid? Someone was blowing their nose in the books. I had to do something. The zoo was fun and I did see the monkeys. There was a big grumpy one sitting in the corner glaring at everyone. I named him Skinner. We didn't see the naked mole rats because apparently my niece Hannah is terrified of them. I guess she had nightmares about them for a week last time they went to the zoo. I'm going to go to bed too now, and I think I will keep my phone on me all day tomorrow. Love you too."

* * *

Scully sighed and wrestled her hair into a ponytail. She had found over the last few days that putting it up was a better option while playing with her nieces and nephews. They tended to play very physically, often giving each other bruises on accident. They took after their father. She finished in the bathroom and found her sister in law downstairs with the kids. Nicholas and Joshua were shoveling down their cereal, Katelyn was banging on her high chair, and Hannah was pouting in the corner.

"Where's Charlie?" she asked.

"He had to pick a friend up at the airport. He should be back in a few minutes. Would you feed Katelyn? Hannah and I need to have a talk."

Michelle handed her a can of baby food, which Katelyn eyed happily.

"Aunt Dana, can you come to my baseball game tomorrow night?" Nicholas asked, wiping off his milk moustache.

"I'll be there."

"We're playing the Falcons. They suck."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Last time we beat them by about 100 runs."

"Wow."

"Do you like baseball, Aunt Dana?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I'm going to play baseball too," Joshua piped up. "Now I play t-ball, but next year dad said I could play real baseball. I'm gonna be a pitcher like Nicholas."

"I guess Nicholas is going to have to teach you some pitching secrets then."

"He teached me how to throw a curve ball. Dad said that we could also play basketball next year."

"I wanted to play football but mom said no. She said I wouldn't be able to run with all those pads on," Nicholas grumped.

"She'll probably let you when you're older. You know, your dad played football a long time ago, and he broke his nose and a rib."

"He did?" Joshua asked, his eyes wide.

"Yep. Grandma and grandpa would never let him play after that."

"Maybe I'll just play basketball," Nicholas decided, touching his nose. Scully smiled.

"Hey, I'm home!" Charlie announced, coming in from the garage.

"Dad, we did real good and kept it a secret!" Nicholas shouted, jumping up from the table and going to meet his dad.

"Yeah, we didn't even spill no beans to Aunt Dana!" Joshua added, following his brother.

"What beans didn't you spill to me?" Scully asked, turning around to face the boys. Mulder was standing in the doorway behind Charlie, grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, stunned.

"Ask your brother."

"Charles?"

"You missed him. I figured you'd like to see him, so I called him the night before last and he got on the first flight this morning. I knew how sick you were of playing phone tag."

"Charles, you have officially secured your spot as my favorite brother."

"Man, it was neck and neck between me and Bill there for awhile," he dead-panned, smiling. She stood up from the table and hugged her brother.

"And you mister…" she said, shaking her finger at Mulder. "I can't believe you knew and you didn't tell me."

"I just had to make sure I only talked to your voicemail. It made it easier. I even ignored two of your calls."

She smacked his arm.

"That was worth it for the look on your face."

She giggled and hugged him.

"I owe you one. Both of you."

"Just count this as a birthday present that I forget," Mulder said, tugging on her hair.

"Ditto for me too," Charlie added, moving past them to the kitchen. "Aw, Katie, did Aunt Dana stop feeding you?" he said sitting down in the chair his sister had just vacated.

"Bad Aunt Dana," Mulder teased. She pushed him away and went back to the table.

"Are you hungry Mulder? There's Coco Puffs. I know how much you like that junk."

"Nah, I ate this morning."

She smiled and hugged him again. This vacation was going to be even better than she thought.


End file.
